Podcast learnings: Healing Is Possible: From Shame, to Safety, to Self
The Body Remembers: How Trauma Lives in Our Fascia, Not Just Our Minds
In the latest episode of the Bolton Inc Effect podcast, we dive into the profound world of somatic healing and trauma recovery with Terry Hewitt, a therapist who describes herself simply as "a helper." This remarkable conversation reveals how our earliest experiences—even those in utero—shape our nervous systems and create patterns that can last decades.
Born Into Grief: How Our Earliest Experiences Shape Our Nervous System
Terry's journey began with her own healing. Born to a mother who had recently lost a child, and who would lose both her father and brother during pregnancy, Terry entered the world through a nervous system already deeply affected by grief and stress. These prenatal experiences created what Terry calls "complex PTSD" that manifested as a lifelong feeling of being "broken" and not belonging. It wasn't until her early 40s, after another relationship breakdown, that she began asking: "What is wrong with me?" This question led her down a path of deep self-exploration and eventually to becoming a therapist herself.
Sex, Shame & Searching for Love: Healing the Pleasure Wound
One of the most fascinating aspects of the discussion revolves around sexuality, pleasure, and the damage done by shame. Terry shares how her early relationship with pleasure became intertwined with shame, and later, how she mistook sex for love. This honest reflection highlights the importance of teaching children about their bodies without shame—a vital conversation many parents still struggle with. As Terry points out, children are getting their information from pornography, which presents deeply problematic narratives about consent and pleasure, particularly female pleasure.
Menopause as a Portal: Reclaiming Power in the Crone Years
The conversation takes an enlightening turn when discussing menopause, reframing it not as a time of loss but as an opportunity for wisdom and renewed purpose. Terry describes this transition as a time when women often gain clarity about what they truly want, likening it to entering the "crone age"—a time not of diminishment but of deepening power and wisdom. This perspective offers a refreshing counter-narrative to cultural messaging that often frames menopause negatively.
The Parts Within: Understanding Ourselves Through Internal Family Systems
Throughout the interview, Terry introduces concepts like Internal Family Systems, which recognizes that we all contain different "parts"—including exiled vulnerable aspects and protective mechanisms—and that healing happens when we can connect with these parts compassionately. Terry's work helps people recognize these parts, understand what they're trying to achieve, and bring healing through self-compassion.
In Conclusion:
What makes this conversation particularly valuable is how Terry connects her personal journey with her therapeutic approach. Her early experiences of disconnection and not belonging have given her a profound capacity to sit with others' pain without judgment. As she explains, "Because of my experiences in life, the complex PTSD that I have lived with... I have an ability to walk with people through the really hard shit that they have to deal with." For anyone struggling with recurring patterns in relationships, physical pain with no clear medical cause, or a general sense of disconnection, this conversation offers hope that healing is possible—not by ignoring or pushing through trauma, but by turning toward it with curiosity and compassion. Terry's work reminds us that our bodies hold wisdom, and when we learn to listen to them, profound healing becomes possible.